The benefits of fruit cages

(September 2007) A mere fifteen years ago, before taking up allotment gardening, my horticultural experience was limited to the 'tomatoes-in-the-growbag' kind of thing. No bad place to begin, you might think, as there's doubtless been many a successful amateur grower's career kicked off from some such similar humble start. Although in my own case, I'll have to admit, my poor knowledge of what allotments were all about was the cause of quite a bit of personal confusion.

At the time, I might readily have been persuaded that the fruit bushes and brassicas held in these structures were related to John Wyndham's Triffids. If they weren't caged in, perhaps they would uproot themselves and wander off over the nearest hill when nobody was looking.

Not that such bizarre notions lasted for very long; I soon discovered that these crazy cages weren't meant to keep plant life in, but to keep animal life out. Good grief!

Hindsight we all know is a marvellous thing and these days, I've realised, many of those wild bird and animal species, which successfully survive alongside of us crowded-together human beings, do so because they like to eat the same things that we do – one reason (among others) why a mouse might get your gooseberries, but a hyena probably won't.

This, naturally enough, is the cause of considerable frustration to the Fitzroy plotholders. If it's not pigeons on your cabbages, or nipping out your tiny cherry fruits just after the trees have blossomed, it'll be magpies – mad for protein – tearing apart your broad beans and pea pods. And so on. I once even tried to grow watercress in the ditch at the bottom of the site, but the local ducks had it located in a week, and wellied the lot down their beaks over the next short weekend. Not entirely surprising then that I've often heard some of our more embittered gardeners muttering over their teacups about air rifles, not to mention shotguns!

Such notions I'm glad to report aren't meant all that seriously and they are, of course, ridiculous. I can easily imagine a gang of outraged plotholders, like ornery cartoon cowboys, moseying down to the plots, armed to the teeth, for a Wild West-style showdown with the local wildlife. Those of us who didn't blow one another to bits in the first few volleys would soon hit grim reality, no doubt, and find ourselves caged far faster than any cabbage, at Her Majesty's pleasure…

Clearly then, we're back to the trusty fruit cage. If you do need to keep birds and animals off your stuff, it's the only serious answer. Next time, I'll be exploring some ways you might go about making one.